Oh, for pete's sake

Somehow I have it in my head that to recover from a long spell of not blogging I need to have something truly profound to say that will distract you from the absence. Well, if that's so, today is not your lucky day. Because I'm merely here to complain.

Turns out that at 32 weeks, the easy parts of being pregnant might be over. And today I have two completely whiny complaints that I haven't read about anywhere else, but they are happening to me now, and I am hot and cranky and need to vent about them!

First of all, did you know that when you are pregnant, sneezing hurts a lot more? Holy mackerel! Now when I feel a sneeze coming on, not only do I have to concentrate on squeezing my baby-bumped bladder closed tight, but I have to brace for the smack of pain in my chest, right above my belly. I suspect maybe my because my lungs are so squished up, the power of a sneeze just knocks the hell out of them. Is that possible? Nobody writes about this. Probably because, what on earth are you going to do about it.

Second of all, the skin on my stomach is stretched so tight that it feels like it could burst open at any moment and send my baby hurtling across the room. And WOW, did that feeling come on suddenly! I notice that I subconsciously suck in all the time, presumably because it feels a bit more comfortable (or is it because that's how I spent, oh, I dunno, ALL OF MY 20s?) And when I focus on relaxing my stomach muscles, I swear you can actually hear the uncomfortable stretching sound, like that wincy-sounding rubber noise a balloon makes when you twist it. It is so, so, so tight. And then five minutes later I forget and accidentally start sucking in again. What on earth do I do? Do I take a bath? Lotion? A bath in lotion?

That is all for now. Blogging dry spell over. Again. Yay!