Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Mildly disconcerting

I entered a stall in the ladies room at work and sat down to begin the business, then saw a copy of today's newspaper on the toilet-paper holder, folded to show the column with my husband's grinning face on it.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Home improvement

For six months, my bathroom has been begging for a face lift.

The previous owners painted much of our house quite colorfully -- a splashy red wall in the dining room, hues of blue in the kitchen, and peaceful greens in the master bedroom and living room. But the bathroom walls were boring off-white blah. There's also a salmon-colored sink and bathtub, which really stumped me. Just what is one supposed to do with a pink bathtub?! And the mirror was simply horrid. It was chipped all along the bottom, plus it was the wrong shape -- a vertical mirror hung in a horizontal space, which was totally fengin' my shui. Oh, and it was hanging on the wall by a COAT HANGER. This must be what mirrors are like in prison.

So a few weeks ago during our vacation, I began the great bathroom do-over. First I spray-painted two really awful dark-wood fixtures: that light above the sink and this unusual medicine-cabinet-type thing built into the outside wall of the shower:

I used antique white spray paint to match the trim on the window. I also replaced those puny little transparent lightbulbs with fat, white compact fluorescents, because we here at are incredibly environmental.

Then I picked paint colors for the walls. On the wall above the sink went French Cream by Valspar, which makes the pinkish sink and tub look pretty neat. The other three walls were done in Babbling Brook by Olympic. I also used a 40-percent-off coupon to purchase a big silvery mirror at Michael's for just $30, and then I replaced the grody old wood light plates with brushed silver fixtures.

Now I'm all through, except we're still waiting for the arrival of a train shelf and towel ring we ordered from Restoration Hardware, marked down by about $100. So the entire project cost just a little more than $300. But can I tell you? My finest moment during this makeover wasn't finding a good deal. It also wasn't figuring out how to paint the wall behind a toilet, or how to open a 6-foot ladder in a bathtub. No, my finest moment was when I INVENTED SOMETHING.

So when I pulled off all the blue masking tape, sometimes there were little dribbles of paint on the trim or caulking. Horrifying. So, thinking fast, I looked around the bathroom at what I might use to fix the problem. I happened to find this:

What is a bottle opener doing in a construction zone? Well, me and a couple Sierra Nevada Pale Ales think that's pretty obvious. Anyway, then I grabbed my plastic container of paint wipies. I don't know if that's what they are really called, but that's what I call them. They are like Wet Ones, but for your paint-spattered hands:

Then, I wrapped the wipie tightly around the top of the bottle opener:


Isn't that outstanding?! I was able to wipe away the dribbles without disturbing the wet paint. I call it "The Paint Editor™." And because you were so nice as to read this entire blog post all the way to the very end, you may use my invention whenever you wish, absolutely free.

Friday, November 9, 2007

BK Safety Dance

This week I evidently have 14 seconds to set aside for blog posting, and luckily for you, they start right now! Watch this video to see how flipping the bird was never so much fun:

Friday, November 2, 2007


When Chickenbone gets a great dog treat -- and I'm not talking some dumb milk bone; I'm talking something so very special and savory that it blows his little MIND -- he does this weird thing where he whines and scurries around "burying" the treat over and over. It's ridiculous. I read somewhere that when a dog gets something it really adores, it instinctively feels it must do SOMETHING to protect it. But domesticated dogs don't really know what that thing is, as it's been awhile since they had to worry about enemies stealing their food or whatever. So they just sort of fret and worry as they try to figure out the protocol for handling such a treasure.

Well, one of Chickenbone's favorite treats is the pig's ear. A triangle-shaped dried piece of flesh that actually came from a pig's head. You can actually see little veins and stuff inside. It's grotesque, but boy, does Chickens love these babies. The other day I gave him a really gigantic ear, and I used my digital camera to film this video. It took me six hours to load it onto the blog, so, like, there probably won't be a sequel. Also, it's not edited whatsoever, and it's sort of shaky. But this is my very first video, so what do you want? Also, my house is kind of messy. So just don't look at that part. Enjoy.

Chickenbone and the pig's ear from Amy on Vimeo.