A veggie surprise

Holy crap, you guys. I forgot about the Universal Rule of Bacon!

The cabbage recipe I was so worried about was actually fantastic. I served it atop a plate of quinoa with a parsley garnish. Despite its rather gloppy purple appearance, it was delicious. That cabbagey taste is mellowed out by the sweetness of the carrots and the beer, and as we all know, bacon makes everything better. Here is the recipe, courtesy of Blue Moon Organics:

GABRIEL'S BRAISED CABBAGE

2 Tbsp. good quality olive oil
2 medium onions cut in half and sliced (I used just one)
1/2 lb bacon, pancetta or tasso ham, medium dice
1 head cabbage halved and julienned (I used three small heads of red cabbage)
2 carrots scrubbed and cut into matchsticks
1/4 cup good Dijon mustard
1/4 cup red wine vinegar
1/2 cup whiskey or 1 can quality beer
1/2 cup chicken or veggie stock
1 bunch chives, chopped
2 Tbsp flat-leaf parsley, chopped
Salt and pepper to taste


Heat tablespoon of oil over medium heat and render pork until it's crispy, about 10 minutes. Pull out pork product, blot with a towel and reserve.

Cook onions in pork fat until translucent, about 5 minutes.

Add cabbage, carrots and mustard and stir. Add vinegar and beer or whiskey and let it cook off for a couple minutes. Add stock and reduce until liquid is almost vacant. Fold in pork.

Serve warm on top of a starch in a bowl (polenta, risotto, quinoa or potatoes would be great) and garnish with chives and parsley.

An amazing week in produce

Last week my mom and her husband were visiting from New Mexico, and I took this opportunity to drag my mom around the house and pepper her with questions about my garden, what curtains to put in the breakfast nook, how to arrange the baby's room. While we were outside deciding where to plant my tomatoes, I pointed out some green stuff that, for the second year in a row, had come sprouting out of some ground cover that runs along the side fence. "Do you know what that stuff is?" I asked her. "I keep thinking I should get rid of it. It doesn't seem to be anything." She reached down and plucked one of the long green stems out of the ground and found A BABY BULB OF GARLIC. I have garlic! In my back yard! There are at least six or seven bulbs brewing back there, and I have no idea how or why. This house is so terribly exciting to me sometimes. Remember when I discovered a secret tiny rosebush? That thing is a good 18 inches tall now that I cleared out some space for it to breathe!

Last week I also picked up my first box of produce from the Community Supported Agriculture program I signed up for with Blue Moon Organics. I am bonkers for this idea: Every week, a box of fresh organic fruits and veggies will be delivered to me at school. What will be inside the box? That's the best part - WHO KNOWS?! It could be anything!

Here's what the first crop contained: a bunch of purple kale; three beets; seven giant carrots; three artichokes; three heads of red cabbage; four - waddayacallem, stalks? bunches? - of baby bok choy; and four cartons of strawberries that were so sweet, you'd swear they had been swirled in sugar. My goal with these boxes is to never let anything to go waste, which is going to be a real challenge. Especially since I'm not sure what to do with half of this stuff.

I already made a pretty good stir-fry with the bok choy and carrots, plus some shitake mushrooms, black bean garlic sauce and udon noodles. Last night I made a braised cabbage recipe that came with the box: cabbage, beer, mustard, bacon, carrots, and bunch of other stuff. I haven't tried it yet because it looks scary. I bet it wouldn't if it weren't so dang purple. But I will give it a go tonight for dinner, spooning it over some polenta or quinoa. The chard is also gone: In less than 20 minutes, my magnificent mother whipped that into the most amazing baked-potato topping using a bit of bacon, the garlic from my back yard, some flour, water and our favorite family seasoning, Maggi.

So all I have left is are the beets and the artichokes (the strawberries took care of themselves.) I found a recipe for beet risotto, but as for the pretty artichokes, I'm not really a steam-and-dip-in-butter kind of person, so I don't know what the heck to do there.

Finally, last week I planted a garden in a patch of the back yard that was previously just more of that viney ground cover. Even though I have no idea what I'm doing and the whole thing could be dead in a week, I feel very proud of this little garden as it took a ton of work, including a battle with a 3-foot tree root that cost me one hour, one screwdriver and a painful knock on my shin. Pictures soon!

The 10-dollar bill diet

I'm pleased to report that last week I hosted my first Thanksgiving Day dinner, and boy, did I hit it out of the park. And by that, I mean I didn't screw up ANYTHING. Here was our menu:

Salt-roasted turkey
From L.A. Times (so, so, so much easier than brine; tasty and moist, too)

Thanksgiving potatoes
From Skillet Chronicles (I'll never peel and chop potatoes again)

Foolproof gravy
From the Mercury News (contains white wine, mmm)

Cornbread sausage stuffing
From I don't know where, since this was made by Sal (who tossed in a handful of diced apple)

Baby salad greens with sweet-potato croutons
From N.Y. Times (easy and completely gorgeous)

Herbed dinner rolls
From Sunset Magazine (involved kneading and rising and everything!)

Cranberry sauce
From a can (since I do not care for cranberries, I didn't try too hard on this one, though next year I'm making a recipe my aunt swears by: mix a bag of fresh cranberries with one cup each of sugar and orange juice; bake for an hour at 350; stir in a few spoonfuls of Grand Mariner or other brandy before serving)

Green bean casserole
From my head, and some cans (made this with fresh beans a few years ago - it did not go well)

Apple pie
Another Sal dish (we also had pumpkin pie, brought by my mother-in-law)

I was most impressed by the salad, the apple pie and the rolls. And by the fact that everything finished cooking at the same time. And by the fact that I finally made a gravy that didn't suck. (Last Christmas I sprinkled a bunch of salt into the drippings before tasting, forgetting how I brined the bird for three days. Oopsie. Oh, and two Thanksgivings ago, I made golden-brown dinner rolls that were magazine-cover beautiful, so it was a real surprise how they'd break your teeth off.)

Also, Sal and I ran the Turkey Trot in downtown San Jose on Thanksgiving morning, and he beat me. Did you hear that? HE BEAT ME. For the first time ever. He also won his age category in the CEO/Celebrity Challenge. Even though I have run like a billion races (and never won anything) and he has done four. No, I'm proud of him, though. Especially since one year ago last week, we walked into our first Weight Watchers meeting together, determined to stop getting fatter all the time. And now he's 35 pounds lighter, so I'm guessing that helped him out. That, and maybe one of us stopped to help an old man who fell down on the race course. I demand my medal for winning the category of WHO IS A BETTER PERSON.

But it's ironic that we hit a weight-loss milestone this weekend, seeing as how I pretty much hogged out for four straight days. It was one of those stretches where you look up from your third slice of pie (in one morning) and try to remember the last time you felt actual hunger. The day before yesterday? Tuesday? You should have seen this leftovers sandwich I made, cracking open one of those herbed rolls and layering on turkey, potatoes and gravy, adding a sprinkle of cheddar before chowing down. I DARE you to ask if I was hungry when I built that bad boy.

Here's the scary part: In three weeks, we are heading to New Mexico, which is pretty much going to be a total eat-a-thon. For 1,266 miles and 10 days, we'll be living on fast food and New Mexican food, and diet sabotage is pretty unavoidable. So, to carve out a little bit of room to play, for the next three weeks I am putting myself on super-severe restrictions. I will only eat when I'm hungry, I will mostly eat decent things, and I will work out regularly. NO. BULLSHIT.

To get off to the right start, today I awoke at the terrifying hour of 5 a.m. and went to spin class. Then I vowed to my girlfriend that this month I will eat NOTHING from the table in the faculty break room. Not one cupcake, not one cookie, not a single crumb. I begged her to think of an unbearable consequence if I break my vow, and we cooked up a plan: If either of us sneaks any bites out of our break rooms, we have to mail the other person $10. Like, that very same day. This is the greatest idea ever. Wait, maybe you should get in on this, too. Like, if I know it's going to cost me $50, maybe I will not mindlessly stuff a piece of crappy old holiday fudge into my mouth. Who's in?

P.S. You can totally mail me $10 if you have a weak moment. I will use it to buy carrot sticks!

Why more dudes should write cookbooks

These two recipes were given to me by male friends - one is in the middle of a bond-measure campaign, and the other only gets invited to parties if he swears to bring this dish. After the chuckles, make the food. Both dishes are certifiably to die for. 

p.s. Don't even THINK of wincing at the vegan thing, because goddammit, I'm from New Mexico. If I say this is good posole, it is.

Cee Dub’s Vegan Posole

(serves six, or one for a few settings, or two big dudes)

*2 cans of Juanita’s Mexican style white hominy, 29 oz.each
*2 cans diced green chilies, 4 oz. each
*Fake pork or similar – enough of your favorite. I tend to use around half as much meat as I use hominy, or thereabouts. Worthington’s “tasty bites” or veggies steaks are good, St. Yves shredded turkey is great, or simmer a big brick of tofu, chopped, in your favorite Mexican spices.
*Four or five cups of water
*Two or three veggie bullion cubes, or a dollop of “Better than Bullion” (my fave)
*Four or five cloves of fresh garlic, chopped
*One peeled and finely chopped yellow onion (optional)
*One glass of chardonnay (not optional)
*At least one tablespoon of New Mexican chile powder (Hatch, Nambe, Dixon, Chamayo if you can get it; www.thechileshop.com)
*Plenty of ground cumin, Mexican oregano – maybe half a tablespoon of each
*Half of one bunch of fresh cilantro, washed and chopped

In a large pot, cook the onion and chopped meat in a little oil until the onion is soft and the meat is browned a bit. Toss in the garlic for four minutes and six seconds.

In a large election, cast one (1) vote in favor of Measure A. Quickly add the resulting revenue to the construction of one (1) large hospital (public).

Add everything else into the big pot. Stir it up, little darling, cover and simmer low for 30 minutes.

Drink the glass of chardonnay.

After 30 minutes, examine. It should have enough liquid to be stew-like, but not quite soup-like. Add h20 if you need, remove the lid for 20 more minutes if you need. Taste it. Need more chile? Sure you do! More garlic? Why the hell not? Depending on the meat you used and the amount of bullion you spooned in, you may want salt. Add more chile too; this isn’t Quiet Riot.

Simmer some more, 30 minutes additional at least. Did you save any of that cilantro? Just before serving in small bowls, cool people sprinkle some on top and stir it in. Other cool people say they top with chopped purple cabbage, which sounds good though I’ve never done it. Serve with Sonny Rollins’s “The Bridge” or Burning Spear’s “Dry and Heavy”.

Kevin's Taters

CHOP THIS SHIT:

* You want about one supermarket plastic bag full (the kind you get from the roller in the produce aisle) of potatoes. I prefer the smaller yellow yukon potatoes over your typical brown baking potato. They take longer to cook, but have better flavor. Yeah, some real motha-fuckin' gourmet advice here! Also, you don't have to peel those potatoes if you don't want.
* Two yellow onions, medium to big.

* One of each: red pepper, yellow or orange pepper, green pepper
* New addition: one shallot. I keep hearing how much flavor they add. So, fuck it, give it a try. Might be a little too onion-y, so, use at your discretion.
* Two jalapeno peppers. Dice those fuckers up good and fine, and keep the seeds for heat. If you go the habanero route, just slice one and leave it sitting in the taters, so you can pull it out whole. I've never tried dicing one. It might kill someone.


PUT THE SHIT TOGETHER:

You need three pieces of aluminum foil. Lay them out like a flower, so you have three layers in the middle, and a fan all around.

Put the potatoes in first. Salt, pepper (tons), cayenne (just a bit, don't overdo it) and crushed red pepper (i love this shit). You want the taters to have a nice seasoning to them.

Add everything else in, and mix with your dirty, just-scratched-myself hands.

Cut two or three sticks of butter into halves, and spread them in the mixture, generally toward the top (so the butter melts onto everything below. Mmmm...).

Begin pulling up the leaves of your aluminum foil flower. Try not to spill, but make it as tight as possible. Add another two pieces of really long foil to tighten up the corners. DON'T RIP THE FOIL, DOUCHEBAG! THE BUTTER WILL LEAK OUT!

* Added bonus: Crisp up a shitload of bacon, and dice it. Add if you want to die.

Throw it on a hot-ass grill, but don't leave it over high heat for too long, or the bottom will burn. If you've got the gas grill, leave one side on high, the other on low, and put the taters over low once the sizzling begins.

After 40 minutes or so, begin burning your precious little fingers by opening the foil into a giant bowl. Start pulling taters out to taste their texture. Keep cooking them until you're happy with the texture. Could take 10 more minutes, could take 30. You never know.

Sprinkle on a shitload of cheese.

Enjoy!

This food will make people happy!

What's nice about cooking is, you don't really have to be GOOD to be fabulous.

I wouldn't describe myself as wickedly good in the kitchen. My dishes are fairly successful half the time and an outright failure every so often, but now and then? I nail it. Here are a few recent hits: two absurdly easy party ideas and two dinner entrees.

The first dish is called ...
CHAMPAGNE GRAPES! (I guess.)

I made this for our housewarming party, and the guests flipped out. Get two pounds of red grapes and cut them into clumps of two or three grapes. Put them in a big bowl, then pour an entire bottle of champagne over them. I used Moet & Chandon White Star (much to my husband's horror -- but I don't regret it!) Cover and chill in fridge for 8-10 hours. Go in a couple times and gently rearrange the grapes so all the fruit has time to soak in the champagne. Drain, put on a plate, and you're done! The marvelous thing is that you can actually see the grapes plump up as they absorb the champagne. Everyone went nuts for these juicy little babies. One problem: Sitting on a plate, they just look like .... grapes. So you might want to put out a sign that says something like "This fruit may get you drunk!"

Next up, also from the housewarming:
BACON-TOMATO SANDWICHES!

Merely five ingredients: Beefsteak tomatoes (I used maybe 6); white bread (four loaves; crusts cut off); bacon (one package); mustard (dijon) and mayonnaise (don't you EVEN buy non-fat.)

Mix 1/4 cup mustard and 1.5 cups of mayo. That's your spread. Then assemble sandwiches with tomato slices (one per sandwich if your tomatoes are big enough), a little spread and bacon. Cut into triangles. Voila! When your guests eat this, their eyes will roll back in their heads. (Thank you to Epicurious for both of these recipes. Good ol' Epicurious!)

Now, let's have dinner. Generally I'm a very health-conscious cook and I make dinners that are serviceable, affordable and low in fat and calories. Tasty, but not a lot of excitement. But last week I was feeling inspired by an extra carton of heavy cream in the fridge, so I created the following dish. Let's call it:

POACHED SALMON WITH CREAMY ASPARAGUS PASTA!

I used: Two nice-sized salmon fillets; chicken broth; basil; heavy cream; asparagus; bowtie pasta; parmesan cheese, salt and pepper, butter.

1. This is so easy. Smear cold butter in the bottom of a glass baking dish. Lay salmon skin-side down, then pour in enough chicken broth to almost cover the salmon. (But not quite.) Salt and pepper the fish, then lay entire sprigs of fresh herbs right into the broth between the fillets. (I used lemon basil from my herb garden! Dill works great, too.) Put uncovered into 400-degree oven for around 15 minutes, or until salmon is fully cooked. When the fish is cool enough to handle, remove skin and break salmon into chunks. Set aside.

2. Bring large pot of water to boil. (I did this while the salmon was cooling.) Add cut asparagus (inchlong pieces) and cook until tender but firm. Scoop out asparagus with a slotted spoon and put into a bowl of ice water to stop cooking. Add pasta to asparagus water and cook until it's how you like it. I used a half-pound of bowties.

3. When pasta is almost ready, melt a chunk of butter in a large skillet. Add asparagus, one small carton of heavy cream, and liberal amounts of salt and pepper. When sauce begins to thicken, add cooked pasta, salmon, more chopped fresh basil, and parmesan cheese. Let it cook a few more minutes until it's nice and thick. That's it! Go on, try it. It's delicious! And quite pretty.

Last one. CAN YOU HANDLE THE TASTINESS?!?!
ROASTED TOMATO PASTA WITH CAPERS AND OLIVES!

This is a delicious dish I created from thin air, which is rare for me, since I'm normally a strict recipe-follower. I was thinking one morning, "Man, we have nothing to eat for dinner!" But then my mother-in-law brought over a huge bowl of cherry tomatoes from her neighbor's garden. Inspiration! Everything else I had on hand. Here's how you do it:

Ingredients: 1.5-2 lbs halved cherry tomatoes; 1 diced red pepper; crushed red pepper; garlic; balsamic vinegar; olive oil; fresh basil; capers; kalamata olives; parmesan cheese; penne.

1. Mix tomatoes, red pepper, a couple teaspoons of crushed red pepper, 2 minced cloves of garlic, splash of balsamic and 1/4 cup olive oil in a 9x13 baking dish. Pop into 375-degree oven for 45-50 minutes, and stir once or twice during baking.

2. Meanwhile, cook pasta (about a half-pound) in boiling water. When it's to your liking, drain and put back in pot. Pour in the tomato mixture, along with a handful of chopped fresh basil,1/3 cup capers and 1/2 cup halved, pitted kalamata olives. Mix together and let it thicken up over low heat, maybe 5-10 minutes. Serve with fresh grated parmesan cheese!

I hope you find a good occasion to try one of these recipes, and let me know how it goes!

A recipe for you

Since many of you have asked, I will explain that these five ingredients are not, in fact, a recipe for dizziness, nausea and an unholy morning-after headache. Well, OK, maybe they are. But before all that, you can enjoy the tasty good times offered by the "beergarita"! Perhaps the tale of my beergarita discovery is best told by this e-mail, which I just dug out of my sent basket:

-----Original Message-----
From: Amy
Sent: Tuesday, April 24, 2007 10:08 PM
To: Tim
Subject: this mite be considered drunk e-mailing

ok so the other day on this diet web site i do (oh! my food diary! i told you about tha!) i saw this person who mentioned something about having too mnay "beergaritas." i reply: "OMG. i absolutely must know what a beergarita is." so the person replies, that it is a mixture of one can of frozen limeade, plus one canfull of tequila, plus two beers. in my head, this is both nauseating and intriguing. i think about it constantly for two days. tonight on way home from work, i purchase beergarita ingredients.
omg, it effing rocks

i love you, beergarita. where have you been all my life?

p.s. i am pretty sure i spelled "intriguing" correctly in this e-mail, which is very fucking impressive.